What an adventure to say the least!
Having a new baby to take care of has definitely been an adjustment, and as
much as I would love to say I have it figured out, I know I’m not even close.
It is a nonstop job – though it is exhausting and has it’s frustrating moments,
I can’t help but remember how important and sacred it is to be trusted to care
for, love, and nurture another human being, especially one who is so helpless
and relies on me for everything at this point. What a great opportunity and
what a sweet blessing to be participating in the Lord’s eternal plan.
Well, we
got home Wednesday afternoon. And though there are still times when it all
seems surreal, it finally started to settle in that we are parents. We spent
the rest of that day loving on our little girl. We just didn’t want to put her
down or stop staring at our beauty. She is such a sweetheart. The next day, we
went to the pediatrician for her first visit. That morning before the
appointment, Scott and I both noticed she wasn’t quite herself. She wasn’t
focusing on us as we talked to her; in fact, she seemed to have a hard time
focusing on anything at all. She also was struggling to nurse as well and
seemed more tired than normal. It was nearly impossible to wake her up to nurse
when she was supposed to. It would take us 20 minutes to get her to wake up for
even just a 5-minute span. At the pediatrician’s office, we found out Chloe’s
Jaundice was getting worse because she was also dehydrated. My milk still
hadn’t come in, so we had to supplement her feedings with formula until she got
better and it came in. It broke my heart knowing she wasn’t doing the best she
could be. I didn’t know what more I could do to help, and I just wanted her to
be feeling better.
After a
couple days of supplementing with formula and doing everything we could to get
this girl better, my milk came in, Chloe’s Jaundice went away, and she was able
to get rehydrated. Thank goodness! I could finally calm down a bit and know she
was going to be okay. Everyone had told me that she would be fine, but when she
depends solely on me and I feel like I can’t do anything to help, it is hard to
stay positive and know she will get better. So you can imagine my relief once
she was finally doing better.
That first
week was spent with many visit from family, all wanting to love on Chloe and
being so kind as to help Scott and I get some rest. We got a few naps in
throughout the week and let me just say, naps make all the difference with a
newborn. The constant lack of sleep makes it hard to function the way I would
like. It has been hard changing my schedule to match her needs, the biggest
challenge with all of that is sleep. And then on top of that, we have had a
really hard second week.
Sunday
night, we had dinner with Scott’s parents. It was nice to get out of the house
and have Grammy and Papa there to hold her and enjoy their new granddaughter.
After dinner, Scott started to feel sick. He was getting really nauseous, his
stomach was bothering him, and he was getting light headed. I took Chloe home
and Allison helped get Scott home and up the stairs into our condo. He was
getting worse by the minute. I can’t remember ever personally seeing Scott so
out of it. Maybe part of that is because my hormones are all out of whack and
it can be hard for me to see things clearly right now, but I was so worried
about him. He constantly needed to go to the restroom to throw up and his
dizziness was getting worse. He was having trouble walking on his own. Thank
goodness Allison was still here and was able to help him move. His legs started
to give out on him and it took both Allison and me to get him to the couch, and
we still almost didn’t make it. If it were just he and I, he would have been
lying on the floor helpless. He was having sharp pains behind his eyes, and
also in his lower abdomen, specifically his right side. This led us to the
conclusion that he could be having an appendicitis attack. It was so hard to
see him like that. Finally, just after midnight, because it was only getting
worse, his parents took him to the ER, and I stayed home to care for Chloe. My
mom came over to help me and keep me calm while I impatiently waited for a call
to hear how he was doing and know what was wrong. Around 3am, Scott called to let
me know that he was dehydrated and had been hooked up to an IV to rehydrate,
and that they told him it was possible that these were all signs of
appendicitis in the making, or a stomach virus.
The next
two nights we stayed at his parents so that he could have extra help. Scott was
slowly doing a little better, but not good enough. He went to the doctors on Wednesday
and was able to get anti-nausea medicine as well as getting rehydrated through
an IV again. Because we were nervous about Chloe or me getting sick, Scott
continued to stay at his parents house the next few days while I stayed with
mine just a few minutes away.
While I was
at my parent’s house, we were able to finally introduce their dog, Riley (who
by the way is the most wonderful dog in the world) to Chloe. He is the sweetest
and friendliest dog, but had never been around babies before. He had no idea
what to think of Chloe. He would just stare at her or constantly walk by her to
“check on her” or she what she was doing. What I think is absolutely hysterical
though is that anytime she would fuss or start to cry, Riley would whimper and
yip along with her. If she let out a big cry with all her lungpower though,
Riley could bark at her. It sure made bath time interesting with Chloe
screaming and Riley barking, while my mom and I tried to calm them both.
Thursday
night, I brought Chloe over for a quick visit with Scott while we figured out
our game plan. Scott was starting to do better. We decided that after an eye
doctor appointment the next day, we would both finally go home again. One more
night apart – we could make it. It was breaking my heart to keep Chloe and
Scott away from each other, not to mention I wanted to be with him for his
comfort and support as well. It is so hard being separated from your husband
with a new baby, especially when you feel like you have no idea what you are
doing because everything is new. And with my emotions on high, it didn’t make
things any easier.
Friday
afternoon, my dad and I took Chloe for her first walk. She slept through the
entire thing, but it was nice to get fresh air and a little bit of exercise.
Once we got back from the walk, I got our things together, picked up Scott, and
we went home. Finally! We were home again and ready to get into a schedule.
Chloe has been getting her days and
nights mixed up, therefore leaving me with almost NO SLEEP. That night, Scott
became SUPER DAD! Whenever Chloe got up to nurse, he would get up too and take
her once she was done and spend the time in-between her feedings getting her
back to sleep while I caught up on some much needed sleep. Isn’t he just the
best? I appreciated it so much.
I am so
grateful we had both our families to help us out. Scott was able to get the
help and care he needed to recover and I was able to get the reassurance I
needed. I was getting so down on myself and was having a hard time seeing the
light at the end of the tunnel. Though Scott still isn’t feeling 100%, he is
working on it and slowly getting there. He was doing so much better over the
weekend, but then Sunday night and all day today, his nausea has come back. It
will be so nice once he is feeling like himself again and we start to figure
everything out. We have been doing everything we can to get him healthy again,
but it is so frustrating not knowing exactly what is causing him to feel the
way he is or knowing what more we can do to stop it from getting worse.
Let me say
really quickly that there are some things worth mentioning about these past two
weeks that are a little more positive and amusing. I have loved feeling like I
am a mom. The realization of this comes and goes, but it becomes more recognizable
everyday. Visit from friends and spending time with family has definitely
lightened the burden of these hectic days and even allowed me to relax a bit. Also,
we realized that one pretty hilarious sign of being a new parent is dreaming of
falling asleep with the baby in your arms or lying next to you, only to wake up
when hearing her fuss and making noises and comforting your pillow. At first I
made fun of Scott when I saw him rocking and shushing his pillow. Now I can’t
talk though since I have caught myself several times doing exactly the same
thing. It must be part of that whole lack of sleep thing I have become so
familiar with.
By far, one of my favorite things
though from this week was hearing Scott comfort Chloe and get her back to sleep
by humming primary songs to her. Although he hummed many, the one that caught
my attention was hearing him hum “I Feel my Savior’s Love”!
As he
hummed it, I had the words running through my mind.
I
feel my Savior’s love
in all the world around me. His Spirit warms my
soul
through everything I see. He knows I will follow him; give all my life to
him. I feel my Savior’s love,
the love he freely gives me. I feel my Savior’s
love;
Its gentleness enfolds me,
and when I kneel to pray, my heart is filled
with peace. He knows I will follow him; give all my life to him. I feel my
Savior’s love,
the love he freely gives me. I feel my Savior’s love
and know
that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart;
my shepherd he will be. He knows
I will follow him; give all my life to him. I feel my Savior’s love,
the love
he freely gives me. I’ll share my Savior’s love
by serving others freely.
In
serving I am blessed. In giving I receive. He knows I will follow him; give all
my life to him. I feel my Savior’s love,
the love he freely gives me.
Not only did it help Chloe fall
asleep, but it also helped me relax and remember that no matter how challenging
it gets, or how frustrated I feel because I’m not getting enough sleep, the
Savior knows how I feel and is here for me. It also reminded me of the great
purpose of our Heavenly Fathers plan. I was able to remember the importance of
the choice Scott and I made when we were sealed in the Denver LDS Temple last
year, and how blessed we are to have the knowledge that families can be
eternal. This is not supposed to be easy. Haven’t we all heard that those
things that are worthwhile take hard work and don’t come easily? It takes hard
work because we need to appreciate it. Raising Chloe and being the best mom I
can be will be difficult, but it will be worth it. Our family will be the
greatest blessing and I am already able to see how it is changing our lives for
the better. I just need to keep this perspective and know that it will get
easier.
Soon
enough Chloe will have her nights and days figured out, Scott will be feeling better, and we will be getting a little more sleep at night!
She just keeps getting cuter and cuter!
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